Rule One: Don't be a D*ck

The past month has been quite difficult for me and quite a few people I know.  A number of my work colleagues have been faced with uncertainty, paperwork, and fees as European citizens preparing to live in the UK post-Brexit.  Many of my US friends are highly concerned about their health care situation (particularly in regards to pre-existing conditions when taking new jobs) if the Affordable Health Care Act is removed.  Before the ACA came about some of these friends had to shell out large amounts of money for treatment for chronic conditions such as juvenile arthritis because most insurance plans wouldn’t cover parts or all of the conditions.  At least one person I know had to borrow from others and ration her insulin (risking her life) because even though she was working she didn’t make enough money to cover her care for her Type I Diabetes.  Many others are worried about the possibility of laws that will openly allow discrimination against anyone who isn’t a white, straight, Protestant man.  Which is especially concerning in light of the hate monster that the election of President Trump has created in the US.  A number of my friends living in places where you wouldn’t think that hate crimes would happen have experienced harassment personally in ways they had not experienced in their lives until the election of President Trump.  On the flip side, I know people who voted for Trump because they are justifiably worried about their future: jobs, savings accounts, violence*, and terrorism.

Finally there is the reality of the first month of President Trump’s administration which has seen a number of not-normal things happen - most concerning of which to me is the apparent confusion, outright lies about unimportant things (not that lying about important things is good, but at least I can begin to understand WHY someone would lie about something important), the inappropriate and distracting use of Twitter by the President, the large amount of truly unqualified individuals being appointed, and the massive slew of laws that are being shoved though while the American public is distracted by the abnormal and outrageous behaviour of the White House.  I have been struggling with how to deal with the issue of tolerance.  There have been the liberal responses to those who voted for Trump.  Then there was the responses calling for these liberals to have understanding and empathy  for the people who voted for Trump.  Then in the past few weeks I have read the responses to those responses.  I have read responses in major new media, journals, and from my friends.  I have listened to a number of religious individuals who have spoken on the issue.  And I am still struggling.

I struggle with my Midwestern values which say to not make waves.  I struggle with how to respect individuals with complex histories, needs, and emotions while calling them out on firmly held beliefs or decisions that are hurting others.  I struggle to feel empowered when all I feel is ignorant and powerless.  I struggle to find a way to bridge an ever-widening partisan gap that is forcing people further and further from seeing each other as human, because historical lessons teach us that when we start calling others less than human BAD THINGS HAPPEN.  How do we all listen more to each other?  How do we see each other as human?  How can we all step back from how we got here and work on how to fix where we are going, without ignoring the damage that has been done so far?

One of the things my mom always did with her classes when she taught elementary school was to go over rules.  She usually gave a few, but mostly the class helped create their own rules in a collaborative exercise.  The first rule, and one of the only ones she wrote for her classes was "keep your hands, feet, and all other objects to yourself."  That covers a lot of ground - from not hitting and kicking someone, to not throwing something at someone, to not underhandedly being obnoxious by leaving your bag in the aisle for someone to trip over.  Many role playing groups or events I have been involved with over the years have a similar, but more grown up version of this rule written as, "don't be a d*ck."  This covers everything from not stealing things, not using rude language, not being derogatory or discriminatory, being respectful if you are wearing a costume or using an accent, to not being obsessed with rules or exceptionally argumentative and spoiling the fun.  It doesn't mean in either case that we cannot challenge each other.  It doesn't mean there won't be disagreements or arguments.  But it does mean we think about how our actions impact each other.  I think there is something more global in this.  Isn't this the way we should live our lives?

There are a number of derogatory statements calling people "snowflakes" going around.  The implication is that people are too soft, too naive, or too sensitive.  But snowflakes aren't necessarily any of these things.  A Russian or Canadian winter will tell you snowflakes are not all soft and sensitive.  But what snowflakes are is unique, carefully crafted - formed in just the right conditions and at just the right speed to make a pattern, and numerous.  They come and they give children joy, they give bears rest, they bring slugs death.  The form, they change, they melt, and in their death they water the world.  Aren't they then a bit like us?  Humans can be sensitive, soft, naive, hard, unyielding, and unique.  We can bring joy, rest, love, and even death.  And we change - both as individuals and a whole.

Jefferson said (on the wall of the memorial above), “I am not an advocate for frequent change in laws and constitutions, but laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind.  As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times.  We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors."  I do not necessarily agree with the statement that the flow of human history is the same as progress.  However, it is change.  And humanity has shown that as a whole we resist change.  So how do we all step away from trite and inaccurate comparisons of each other?  How do we step away from the fear of change?  How do we begin to make lasting and meaningful connections with each other?  Maybe we go back to Rule Number One: "don't be a d*ck."

*I tag this because I do not have the statistics in regards to violence and how it has changed across the US over the past 10 years.  It is a complex picture made moreso by the increase of social media.  Thus there is a perception of violence, the reported violence, and the actual violence of multiple different types to consider.  I am NOT saying that violence has increased or decreased, I am only saying that a number of people are worried because of violence.